Activity: Reflection on Adolescent Development

1. As an adolescent, I connected strongly to music because it helped me express my emotions and feel understood. Over time, my taste in music changed, and I began to appreciate deeper lyrics and calmer sounds that matched my personal growth and maturity.

2. My first experience exploring new identities outside my family was through friendships at school. It was both exciting and challenging because I wanted to fit in while still staying true to my values. This process helped me learn more about who I was and what mattered to me.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

In early adolescence, I was quite academic and very good at maths. I think I became quite bored at school, though, and I became less and less interested in my academic interests.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

Finding my identity outside of my family was a challenging experience for me. We had moved away from my happy place and to Auckland, where I made the transition from homeschooling/correspondence to attending intermediate school. I was unbearably shy as a child, so navigating the social element of school was difficult for me. In my endeavour to develop my own identity, I found my place of belonging with more rebellious and older teens than I and was really influenced by peer pressure and rebellious behaviours. 

As a teen I connected deeply with alternative rock music. I felt I was able to express my feelings and escape reality through music.

I can see how his could fit into Eriksons stage of identity vs role confusion as I was figuring out how to express myself and finding my people.

My first experience of exploring new identities was likely when I started dressing differently. My style became "goth" inspired. It felt very authentically me. 

I found this process difficult at times as my family didn't believe this style aligned with their values. I continued on where I could.  

At 13 I fell in love with horses and was completely obsessed with them. By 16, I was far more interested in my social life and boys.
I can't remember my first experience of exploring new identities outside my family, but adolescence was massively challenging on so many levels because I had such low self-esteem and no real sense of a strong family base to launch from.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

I connected to art, nature, poetry, reading and creative dressing.  My thoughts about this did not change over time.  Poetry was my outlet for what was in my head and still is now.  Reading is my escape zone.  Nature is my connection and peace.  Art and poetry is my exploration of self.  Creative dressing - while this has tamed down for me quite a bit, I am a full believer in colour, pattern, wearing something different.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

When I was about 13 or 14yrs old I started a new high school and became friends with a girl who was a singer and a surfer.  This was my first experience of exploring a new identity as I started taking up the surfer look, smoked weed with her parents, went to live gigs at Raglan where they lived.  I found this process strange and conflicting - it was new and exciting but it felt rebellious (My mum bought me up as a Christian), but I liked exploring the world independently of my family.  That girl ended up leaving that high school and I made friends with a new girl.  Together we explored our identity, went op shopping and experimented with many outfits and looks, got our nose pierced, got drunk together, went clubbing, wagged school, explored sex etc.  These early years of identify exploration where exciting, but emotionally crazy, up and down, a sense of not feeling contentment. Also issues at home so that didn't help.

For me, horse riding was a key experience in my childhood that allowed me to find my identity a lot more when I was lost. This as well as being bilingual. Over time, I am still able to communicate with my Korean family and surprise people time to time with my disparate looks and ability to fluently speak the language, however after visiting Korea it has boiled down to a family connection rather than cultural. As I aged, horse riding has been a means of escape for me and I have further found my identity in the horse sports I enjoy and the people I connect with.

I was always a "rebel" and "black sheep" of my family when it came to identity exploring so it was challenging to my parents but not to me. I was extremely shy as a child so it was challenging for me to engage however when I found my people it was easier. 

1. I dreamed about being an Air hostess (now called flight attendant). The glamour, the travel and future opportunities it offered. I realised my real reason was to get as far away from my family situation as possible. Over time and once I looked into the glorified waitressing job, I decided that travel was what I was after, not the job. I worked from 16years old to save up for my big O.E.

2. I made some terrible choices as an easily peered pressured teen. Eager to fit in and screw the consequences... which I always regretted afterwards. Breaking away from the group of wayward teens was incredibly challenging. I was now isolated and lonely but also hopeful in the thought of making the right "adult" safe decision for me, at the time. I truly believe if I did not follow my dream of travelling and choose a stable path, I could have ended up a statistic. 

I will get back to this

1. My teenage obsession was makeup. I got pretty good at it when I turned 18, and it morphed into my career choice. Studied beauty therapy and found I enjoyed doing the other treatments more than makeup! In school, I was very anxious; it was kind of like my armour. After school I found my way a bit more and found I just enjoy the creativity of it. 

2. With having ADHD,  I developed parts of myself as a kid for different people (masking), so I was comfortable with that. I don't remember an exact event, but I did remember having three different friend groups in school who were all polar opposites, and I was a different part of myself for each. I did struggle to figure out who I was because of this. 

Early adolescence: athlete, tomboy, high achiever - gave me strong identity and confidence. Although increasing differences with my school friend group's interests. Forced to quit sport through injury - rejected any sport and competitiveness for some years - big questions around who I am other than what I do?, what does it mean to be a women? - insecure, validation seeking - focus on friends, music subculture, boyfriends... increasing interest in art (painting & videography), philosophy, different religions (which was odd in my friend group).

Challenging times. I felt my parents saw my experimentations as "too much, too early, too shallow", they had strict rules and boundaries around going out, boyfriends and the length of clothes which made me more rebellious and sneaky, which compromised trust. I had a "perfectly well adjusted" older sister who didn't challenge anything.

I did find new connections with each of my parents through my developing interests, art and philosophy.    

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

From being thirteen, I just wanted to hang with my friends.  The external influences and sense of freedom were addictive and fun.  Friends, fun and freedom have always been important to me, however throughout the years social groups have changed, I seek fun through different means, and my freedom is a given, however comes with restraints with children.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

As mentioned above, friends were key for me.  Leaving my family unit independently was an eye opener.  My friends had different ways of doing things like the way they interacted, the way that they prepared and ate dinner the hygiene levels in houses or the amount of autonomy that was granted.  I found it fascinating.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

When i was younger, I had a horse and rode all the time; as time went on, it was more about the social side of it. Meeting my friends behind the sheds to smoke cigarettes.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?  I had quite strict parents compared to most of my friends. I wasn't allowed in boys cars; on one occasion I decided to go against my parents and go joyriding with a bunch of boys. I remember feeling so excited but terrible at the same time. It also didn't help that my dad saw me in the car.

My home life was very boring and my dad had us always working and doing chores. I remember thinking how boring my life was and how slow time was. Now with my own children I feel I have to be very careful not to over load them with too many chores and keep weekends feel for down time. I often wonder if always been kept busy as an adolescent with chores and work has made me an active relaxer. 

I remember my best friends boyfriend had his drivers licence and a car and going for a ride up to Whangarei I felt excited and grown up being without my parents. I remember being a little nerves

As an adolescent, I always wanted to be a child psychologist or a sports presenter.  My thoughts actually never really changed over time, just reality happened and how difficult it would be to make it happen.

I loved exploring a new identity outside the family. During my adolescents, my parents were not important to me. It was all about my friends and my social life!

friendships were more important to me than the relationship i had with family, which changed overtime and realised our values did not align. 

some of my first experiences looked like hanging out with friends on my own, at the mall, beach, playing sports, without parents around. it was exciting for obvious reasons sometimes challenging if i ended up in unsafe situations 

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

During my adolescence I found myself drawn to video games. They were escapism and a common topic that was shared with my peers. It was the early days of the internet so it was very conductive to socialization and a type of parallel play when you were in person. An excuse to be around one another. Video games Were a big part of my life moving into my adulthood, that escapism and community were nice.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

As a teenager I was already taking on many of the physical and emotional responsibilities of an adult, so when I started experimenting with writing and art with my friends it was very freeing. They were encouraging and the hardest part was the suppression of my whole new self to stabilize and unstable parent. 

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent?
I loved reading a lot of overseas literature, which gave me opportunities to think deeply about experiences and perspectives I wouldn’t otherwise encounter. I was especially drawn to books where the author shared strong personal interpretations of the world and life.

How did your thoughts about this change over time?
I feel that this early habit of deep, quality reading helped me become a person who can reflect thoughtfully, analyze complex ideas, and think critically.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent?
I wanted to be more independent and was eager to build my own life once I felt ready. 

Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?
Moving to New Zealand was my first major independent step. It was challenging in many ways and came with worries, but I also felt a sense of freedom and, for the first time, a real feeling of 'looking forward to the future'. 

Being gay comes to mind. I went from full blown denial and having a girlfriend because I wanted to fit in at church to acceptance and eventually coming out but that was a long arduous process and took an extremely long time. It got easier though, I began by writing it down at first because I couldn't say it out loud and then got more comfortable with it. It's hard to have a secret like that from your family but it's extremely liberating meeting friends that you can actually be yourself and exhale around. Worth the hardship in the end but I can understand why people find it so hard to be honest about it.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?
I used to really love fishing as a child. But one day i realised that fish were alive and didnt want to die. Once i developed empathy for fish i could no longer go fishing.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?
I first started exploring new identities in the form of fashions so i found it quite nerve wracking but fun. It was expressive but i was quite embarrassed at the possibility of being mocked.

As a teenager, I loved learning and discovering new ideas, because it felt like opening doors to the world. Over time, I realised it wasn't just about passing schoolwork, but about finding who I wanted to be in the future. My first step outside my family identity was building friendships with people from different cultures at school. At first, it felt a little scary because i wasn't sure if I would belong, but soon it turned into something exciting. I got to share my own culture while also exploring new ways of thinking, which made me feel more confident and independent. 

1-On reflection of my own adolescent development, as an adolescent I connected to playing volley ball at my collage, I cant really think of anything else specific, I loved it because my team was my group of friends, we all sat outside the gym every break time together, and every practice was a catch up gossip session but at the same time our male coach was strict so we got plenty of work done too. As soon as I left school volley ball ended for me and I have not played in a team since but looking back I do think about the sport quite often and every time I see a net I want to play, these were healthy, happy memories of my adolescents. 

2-Exploring new identities outside my family probably began around early high school age, around 14, when  teenage delinquency set in, my friends felt like my family, and connections were lost between myself and my family.  This process was quite challenging as I had the "mean" mum out of my friends group so I was always getting into trouble with her while my friends parents seemed so much kinder, I felt very misunderstood. I think my identity as the fun, party girl began around this age. 

What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time? 

During my adolescent years I was more self-focused and didn't bother looking into the wider picture of life. I held on to many things, gradually when I came closer to my 20s, I realised small habits automatically reduced and my perspective changed.

What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

The process of new identities outside my family as an adolescent was challenging for me because I personally don't deal with "new" very well. I refuse to step out of my comfort zone and familiarise myself with changes.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time? I had a big transition from my family towards my peers. I just wanted to get away from them and I thought I co created a 'new' family with my peers. Everything ,y parents said was overly annoying and I felt not understood at all. Later in my early 20s I understood the importance to form new connections to find my own identity within other 'groups' .

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why? We had a youth club in my village, financed by the council and a social worker ran it. I spent all my time there and connected deeply with the group of people there. We had different ages and I always looked up to the older teenagers and though they have it all figured out and I just follow them.. 

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

I read a lot as an adolescent. It offered me an escape from my reality. overtime though I started to realise that I could use books to understand deeper themes and ideas.

1. What was an idea, subject, or pastime that you connected to as an adolescent? How did your thoughts about this thing change over time?

Socializing, when I was an adolescent I couldn't stand the idea to missing out on going to a event or not being invited, it made me feel like I was missing out, they others didn't want me there, it was as if it was the most important thing and it would effect everything happening in my life.

My thoughts changed over time when I realised if I missed out or wasn't invited to an event there would always be more, it's not going doesn't effect my future.

2. What was your first experience of exploring new identities outside your family as an adolescent? Did you find this process easy or challenging? Why?

I'd say going to a party with no restrictions, alcohol, drugs, I found it challenging, even though I put on a facade that I wasn't out of my depth. It was confronting how people I did and didn't know were behaving and acting how I only thought adults did. I felt out of my elements but also intrigued.